Hello all, welcome to my life...parts of it anyhow, I promise not to drag you too far in!

To start, I'm feeling very mellow today and every part of me shows it.  My clothes are in shades of black and grey, my hair is very simply in a bun, and not a stitch of makeup...well lipgloss, but that doesn't count  , I wouldn't be caught dead without a little lipcolor on!  I've got a lot on my mind and it's starting to weigh me down, I always feel better when I write, but usually what I write is not meant for other people to read.  I feel comfortable enough writing here because I know that I will never be ridiculed or judged, only supported, because that's how this community is.  I'll start with my morning and work my way up to the rest:

A typical start to my day:
   I woke up at 8:17 with full knowledge that I needed to be at my shop to open for 9:00.  The ride is 10 minutes, which leaves me with exactly 33 minutes to shower, dress, kiss the dog and be out the door with wet hair.  Yes, I have each of my actions timed down to the minute...story of my life!

Shower:
   Nothing special today, just quick quick quick!  Washed my hair, actually only my scalp, with my usual Pantene for brunettes that I've been using, and then conditioned as usual.  Left my hair mostly damp, but used the hair dryer very briefly with a round brush for my bangs.  If I don't do this to give them a little lift and shape they will just lay very lifelessly on my head...not very flattering.  A teeny spritz of hairspray and hair's done.

Dressing:
   Feeling so mellow, I just wanted to wear something that was soft, warm and comforting, so I opted for my favorite grey sweater.  I feel safe in grey, sounds wierd I know, but I am very affected by colors and textures, they have to be just right to match what I am feeling on the inside.  To match the sweater I chose long black jeans and very comfortable black sherpa clogs.  I also brought my most favorite and comfortable sweater jacket with me, because I'm feeling very chilly today and I'm doing my best to keep the thermostat as low as I can stand it, oil is just too expensive!

Work:
   Arrived on time to work without a minute to spare, the day started off very hectic with the phones ringing as I step my first foot thru the door.  It's like they have radar on me sometimes!  When I got a few minutes to myself I finished doing my hair by pulling it up into a high bun and wrapping the scrunchie with a sheer grey scarf...now I was ready to work.  When the hair goes up, I mean business baby...look out!  I'm working diligently on getting the shop prepared for Valentine's Day, it's coming quickly!  BTW, I don't think I mentioned, but I have a flower/gift shop that I run, and this along side of Mother's Day is one the the busiest days, so you just can never be prepared enough for when the day comes.  So, you probably won't be hearing from me too much that week, my days and nights will be consumed with flowers, flowers, flowers!  A typical work day for me during holiday time is usually about a 5:00 am start straight thru to a finish of about midnight or so.  Go home catch a nap and a shower and come right back.  It gets totally insane!

Other things in my life right now:
   I am very nervous and anxious about tomorrow.  A loved one of mine is going to see a doctor tomorrow for the first time about their depression.  It's become very serious and I had to take some sneaky but very necessary steps to make this happen.  This doctor is a medical doctor, but is also into alternative medicine.  I am thinking <hoping> he is probably going to put him on some different herbs along with acupuncture, we want to try natural healing before resorting to any sorts of medication. So this is very heavy on my mind right now, as well as another dear loved one of mine who has very suddenly and quickly been taken over with cancer.  He is only 19 years old and I just can't believe it, I'm not sure he's going to pull through this.  Just before Thanksgiving he had a 6 pound tumor removed from his testicle (it was mostly up in his abdominal area), and was scheduled for surgery to have his lymph nodes removed before christmas.  Before they ever got to do that three more malignancies developed in his lungs, 2 in one lung, one in the other, all about the size of tennis balls.  He is being treated with chemotherapy now, and they still plan to remove his lymph nodes when the treatments are over.  He is just sooooo skinny, and he eats and eats and eats.  Now we found out that he has fluid in his lungs.  Everyone says that's not good.  So, this is weighing very heavily on my mind as well.  I am just taking things day by day for now, that's about all I can do to keep myself together.

Well, I've got some more work I need to get done, so this is all for today.

Till next time....

Yayy! your first entry


I'm so, so sorry about your relatives , it's very hard to see loved ones hurt, and you can't do anything to make them feel better ....

Quote:

That's me in a nutshell. 

Actually, we seem to have more and more in common the more I learn about you.

Poor Magz. I sincerely wish the best for your and your loved ones. I'll save a prayer tonight for all of you tonight. God bless.

Hi Maggie,

I'm glad to see that you've started a journal.
Sending good thoughts your way for you and your loved ones...

Anais

Ewww!  I just noticed yesterday, actually my husband noticed, that I've got this weird residue thing going on in my hair.  I'm thinking it's from our water, we have well water and we've been having a major problem with it turning everything green.  Anything white that goes thru the wash a few times will inevitably turn mint green, I am constantly scrubbing green out of the showers, and to drink the water is out of the question, it has a terrible metallic taste.  We do have a filtration and softening system, but something must be wrong with it!  Anyway, now I'm noticing this build-up in my hair, I took a scraping of it with my nails & it was green!  I've been doing regualr vinegar rinses, but it's not really helping, I'm not sure what to do to get it out of my hair...maybe someone has a suggestion  ???

Hair today:
   Put conditioner on first and let it soak in for a while, then shampooed the scalp and rinsed everything out.  I didn't re-condition this time, though, I put in some leave-in conditioning instead.  I tried to really concentrate on the root hair, that's where the build up seems to be, but I was not able to get it all out.  I haven't done anything with it yet, but I am going to pull it back shortly, nothing too tight, I've got a headache today.

Clothes:
   Wearing red today, woohoo!  Feeling daring!  Jeans and snowboots ( I picture Napoleon Dynamite's outfit when I say that!), the weather's yucky today.  Snow, sleet, rain & fog, just a buch of slop out there.

Other interesting tidbits:
   * Husband made me the most awesome omelette yesterday morning, it was perfectly rolled up with spinach, onions, and cheese.  Served with a side of his homemade "roasted habanero" sauce.  Mwah!  Oh yeah, coffee too!  He's too good to me.

   * Did not get to start my book this weekend, did TONS of cleaning instead, changed my curtains, pillows and bed sheets for a change of scenery.  It needed to be done, the book still awaits me.

   *Found out my best friend is going to have a baby!!!  I am sooooo happy for her and totally excited.  I just wish we lived closer to each other so we could see each other more often.

That's pretty much it, nothing too exciting this time around.  Later.

The omelette was very good, he is very sweet.  Usually every sunday morning he'll make breakfast for us, he loves to cook, and he loves to watch me eat his food...probably because I love to eat his food!  That works out well, huh?  My fav. that he makes for me is his feta mozzerella omelette and homefries - always served with a side of his own hotsauce, then he makes me a cinnamon coffee...YUMMM!    He should totally be a chef, I think I'd eat all his profits, though! 

Relating to my hair, I can't get the green stuff out!

When I used to go to my old hairdresser he would always do a build-up removal for me.  I'm not sure what he used, but it was the consistency of a conditioner that he would work into my hair from the roots down, and then use a fine tooth comb over it.  So I thought I'd try it myself.  In the shower, I worked Biolage conditioner all thru my hair and then used a fine tooth comb to really work it in & I guess (hopefully) comb any build-up out.  ???  After that I rinsed, did an ACV, re-applied conditioner from the ears down and did a scalp wash with a teeny bit of biolage shampoo.  It did remove about half of the gunk, but it's still there.  If you look closely you can see it. 

Now, don't get me wrong...it's not like this fluorescent green glob on my head or anything!  It's intermittently on each individual strand, mainly on the top of my head from the ears up.  I'll try this again tomorrow to see if it helps, and I may try Beesan's advise & rinse with bottled water to see if it helps.

Today I have my hair pulled up in that messy bun that I have posted in the casual styles threads.  And around that I have wrapped a navy & white polka dotted scarf, looks kinda cute if I do say so myself 

I still did not start my book.  Every time I pick it up and decide to delve in, I feel guilty like I should be doing something else more productive.  That's my problem, I feel guilty doing anything pleasurable for myself...I just have to get over that!

As for dear loved one, I'll refer to him as T from now on to make it easier, he did muster up the courage to go and get some blood drawn for bloodwork, and he has another appt. w/ the acupuncturist/dr. this weekend.  His results will be faxed directly over to the dr. and we'll know the results at his next appt.  I have been a nervous wreck over this.  T says if there is any kind of a medical problem he refuses all/any medical treatment, but he will try herbs and/or acupuncture.  So I just keep praying for him, and I'm doing my best to be totally supportive of him.  It's very difficult sometimes, because he is in a constant state of depression all wrapped up with nervousness and anxiety, which means that he snaps at the drop of a hat.  I have to weigh every single word very carefullly, which can be exhausting.  Most of the time when he does snap I don't even understand why, like last night for example.  I worked late and was tired, I was eating a sandwich with him and I guess I was kind of zoning off.  He asked me what was up with me, why was I staring?  I didn't even realize that I was, I guess it was just a blank stare that we all get when we're tired.  Well, a few minutes later I guess I did it again, I was staring into space while eating.  This really did something to him, he yelled at me "what are you doing?  you are really freaking me out, why are you eating like that?!"  I was left clueless.  I just quietly wrapped the rest of my food up and left it at that, we still haven't talked.

It just gets very confusing to me at times, he says it's confusing to him too most times.  For the record, when I say that he "snaps", I don't in any way mean to imply that he is physical with me, that's NOT the case, I just mean with his tone and his actions, please understand that.  I know this sounds selfish, but sometimes I feel that I am giving everything I have to love & help him, which means that me & my needs get easily overlooked.  I shouldn't even say that, that really is selfish.  Writing this all down helps me to feel better & sort through it all, though, so this is my outlet.  Thanks for listening!

Off to get some work done now, and some more coffee...later!

Thank you so much angel spun, that was exactly what I needed to hear.  The wierd part about being in a situation like this, is that I almost feel guilty when I do anything to draw positive attention to myself or do something to better myself.  It makes me feel like I'm leaving him in the dust, so I'm constantly trying to downplay anything good that might happen to me, just hoping and praying that he gets a break instead.  Make any sense??  His next appt. is tomorrow, so I am anxiously awaiting is bloodwork results, I really hope that nothing is serously wrong, I doubt there is.

Word is starting to spread around town about my sick cousing and it's becoming the "talk", that's just how it is living in such a small town.  Everyday ppl are coming in and asking about him and looking for updates on his condition, only to tell me "ooh, doesn't sound good...".  It's getting very frustrating, I know that it doesn't sound good and I don't really need 10 people a day telling me that.  Honestly.

On the subject of Hair, mine is looking exceptionally cute today.   Here's what I did, I pulled it up into a high bun, kind of a loose one and secured it with a scrunchie, which used alone is not enough cuz the bun wants to slide back down my head.  So I then tied one of my scarves around the scrunchie and tied it so that the tails are in the back, I left them on the shorter side this time.  I then used those little clippies and pulled the front part of my bun forward and a little higher up on my head and clipped it to the top of my head.  So when you look at it from the front you can't see the scarf because it's covered with my hair from the bun, but from the sides and back you can see the scarf coming out from under my hair and the tie in the back.  So, so cute!   

Washing:  Nothing special today, just a regular scalp wash and condition, that's it.  Still can't get that wierd green stuff out of my hair, I think I'll post this problem somewhere else on the boards to see if I can get some advice.

Skin:  I got a new clay powder to try out, it's called Moroccan red clay.  For my first trial with it I mixed a TBSP or so w/ a little aloe gel and jojoba oil.  I like to hold a hot wash cloth on my face for about a minute first and then I use the clay mixture, sometimes I leave it on for a mask, but most times I don't have time for that.  The red clay is good for treating oily skin, which I do have, I'm very pleased with it so far - the only bad thing is that it has stained my washcloth !  I'll just have to use a red washcloth from now on, I guess! 

...still didn't start my new book yet. 

Hubby made the most awesome "mexican pizzas" last night for dinner, and black beans to die for...YUM!  Served with nothing other than a pint of Guinness, of course!  I told him I was hungry for mexican, but we're trying to be conservative with our $, and eating out really wasn't an option, we try to save that for the weekend.  I came home from work and he had this whole "restaurant" setup in the kitchen with this awesome mexican food.  Honest to god, he's too good!

That's the scoop for today, I'm working on my acct's receivable today and getting very frustrated seeing all the people who are witholding money from me.  How am I expected to operate if people don't pay?  Aye carumba!  So, off to pull my hair out (yeah, right...never!)

Thanks, Beesan.  I'm patting my back here, but it really is entirely cute...I may just have to try it again!    This is kind of funny, a few days ago I went to my bank and all the girls were commenting on the scarf in my hair and how neat and "retro" it was, this morning I ran up to get change for my register and one of the tellers had a scarf in her hair.  Immitation is the greatest form of flattery, right?

Thanks for the support, and I'm sorry to here that your brother had to go through the trama of a brain tumor, even if it was benign. Thanks everyone, love you guys so much  .

((((((((hugs)))))))))