You guys, please tell me what you would do:

When we went back to Germany in 1997, I became friends with this woman I worked with. We would hang out together after work (sometimes), she was invited to hubby's or my B.-day parties, we went to her parties, she started new job, everything went as before, like talk every other day, meeting once or twice a month, until May 2003. She started having less and less time, since she was determined to find a new husband. When I called her, she said she'd call back (cause she was on the phone with a guy). She approached my hubby at work to introduce her to his co-workers, and then right around my birthday, she sent me a SMS, wishing me a Happy B.-day and let me know that she'll be coming by the next day. A few days went by and I didn't hear or see anything of her. So, I tried calling and e-mailing. Never received a response. Now, almost 2 years later she sends - forwards- me this "friendship circle" (PLEASE) mail. I am wondering, if I should

a) just ignore it 

b) write her back and explain to her what I mean when I call somebody a FRIEND

c) ignore it 

d) ignore it and delete it 

I don't think that I want her back in my small circle of friends. She is one of - what I call - a top water fish....I have my own theory about people and I like to compare them to fish. Some are always swimming on top - afraid to go deep......and others, well others go deep. And up and down, just all over the place. No, I haven't lost my mind (yet) just most part of it (ask my hubby)


Okay. Please tell me what you guys think.

If you are sure you don't want to pick up with her again - I'd ignore and delete.

It's just not worth the effort to let people know you consider their behaviour bad unless you want to stay involved.  Or, if it'll just make you feel better *EVILLE  * ...g

If the email was a forwarded email that went to everyone in her address book, I'd just delete and ignore it - she probably didn't even realise she was sending it.

If it was forwarded to just you, I might send a short email back just saying it was good to see she was still around and wish her the best, but not get too chatty.

It is difficult to decide how to handle changes in relationships like this.  I usually just let them go where they go, but not burn any bridges on the way.

I'd agree if it were spam mail - if she didn't take the time to write her own words, then why should you.

If it was a personalized email saying what she has been up to these days, but only sent it to 4 "friends", then it's probably worth a "nice to hear from you.  What have you been up to?" and just gauge what the heck she's been doing these past years that was so important.

The reason I say that is because I had a similar problem with one of my close circle of friends.  It turns out, and we just found this out last month, that she has slowly been deteriorating because of mental illness.  I looked up her illness and one of the symptoms was withdrawing from friends and family.  So now it doesn't seem like she did anything intentionally, and I don't hold anything against her. 

Now, another friend of mine in high school intentionally dropped all of her close friends so that she can be friends with the popular crowd.  I still have hurt feelings over that, and would probably be civil to her if she were to contact me again.  But I doubt I would ever have her as a close friend again.

I guess you just have to assess whether or not she was intentionally trying to avoid you, or maybe she was just having a tough time in that part of her life.

Cynde

Okay, I tried, but I can't resist. My own 2 cents worth.

Let's just state some facts, first:

• As it was a forward to a group (ok, 4 folks), I must assume that she was more in her address book than this.
• It's been 2 years since you've had any inter-personal contact with her.
• I get the impression you feel slighted by this.

My opinion is this:

If you wish to attempt a re-connect with this person, then respond, but on a light level, such as BB suggested.

If you wish no further contact with this person, then delete and ignore it.

Much comes down to how you perceive her email. Granted, it sounds like one of those emails that is considered spam and she included you on the list for whatever reason. Something, I find odd, is that the forward list only contained 4 addresses. Is this her way of trying to reconnect without saying "I was too busy for anyone else before, but now I wish to re-establish our relationship?" Only you can answer that question and decide how you feel about it.