1. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
2. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before
3. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
4. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
5. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris must be in Seine
6. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
8. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
9. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
10. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
11. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
12. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
13. Definition of a will: A dead give away.
14. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
15. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll be repossessed.
18. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
19. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
20. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
21. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
22. Every calendar's days are numbered.
23. A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
24. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
25. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
26. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
27. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
28. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
29. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
30. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

now that cheered me up ...g