LOL!  Well, I'm not a chemist so I can't give you the "scientific" answer as to why some chemicals, be they natural or man-made, soften your hair.  You are right about one thing tho, all conditioners condition your hair by leaving a coating on it.  The difference between 'cone and non 'cone conditioners however, is that silicone builds up in your hair and is very difficult to remove.  This generally isn't true of non 'cone conditioners... which you can sort of compare to fabric softener. Imagine what your jeans would feel like if you washed them without any fabric softener and put them out on the line to dry. You'd practically be able to stand them up by themselves! But you know this would happen even if you used fabric softener the last time you washed them, because the detergent would have easily removed the old fabric softener in the wash this time around.  The same happens when you use a non 'cone conditioner... your shampoo can easily remove any previously applied hair conditioner and buildup takes much longer to accrue.  It will happen eventually however, which is why our hair seems to "get used" to products and they only start working well again after we do a good clarifying or change products entirely for awhile.