ohhhhh my hair inspired me to write today!
Here is the resulting insanity--Do not try this at home.

19 Alternative Uses for Hair

19.   use it as a scarf on those cold blustery days
18.   when braided and banded, they make great aids for opening jars. Just wrap and twist!
17.   If you're nervous about playground equipment, just have your child slide down your hair.
16.   "Red rover, red rover, send _______ right over."
15.   Add barbells on your braids for weightlifting.
14.   A tiny gelled section can give you a toothpick.  
13.   Ever need a paintbrush you couldn't buy in stores? Well, the end of a braid is perfect for that. Be sure to rinse well.
12.   Use it as a bookmark, if you plan to fall asleep reading.
11.   They double as a pair of suspenders, if you're someone who likes to wear 'em. All you need are four braids, two front/two back.
10.   How to make a cape: divide your hair into at least twenty sections, all in a row. tie each section with an elastic and use paperclips to hook them together. Voila! Instant halloween costume!
9.   You can store a lot of things in an updo. Especially in the summer, when sundresses and othersuch don't have pockets, a french twist is a great place to hide your car keys.
8.   Or the spare key to your house
7.   Or the chocolate bar you're supposed to give up while you diet
6.   Or if you're sneaking tax-free alcohol across the border.
5.   You can water your plants when you get out of the shower, hair dripping wet.
4.   If you're a stuntwoman/man in an action movie, getting over any wall should be an easy task if you tie on a pair of hooks to two braids.
3.   Likewise, mountain climbing.
2.   Or martial arts. (but that's a really big trade secret. Not even Chuck Norris knew this. You don't see any big-name martial artists with long hair, do you?)

and the top alternative use for hair:
1.   Hair is great for dusting. No, I mean literally.
Dusting furniture. Remember to finish and tie up your hair before you turn on the hoover. A BBB is great for getting all the dust out.

Long Hair of Death, or sumthin' like that.

Oops, I thought you meant one where the actual hair was a major theme in the movie.