Hi Ladies,

 After researching different websites/blogs for raising kids. I really didnt find any i loved and nothing compares to the organization of LL. My kids are small, terrible eaters >:(, and now both sick with the flu :(. Any tips and advice for raising kids would be fabulous.

Your kids are very lucky to have you as a mom :) I always thought that parenting is supposed to be like driving- parents-to-be take a test before they have kids :P

I know this may sound stupid, but since the day i got my period and my mom told me that "you are now a woman, which means now you can have kids" lecture :P, I've been keeping a notebook and writing tips on how to raise my kids...someday...maybe.. :-X :-[

Anyway, I know you have little boys, so i thought you might find this site helpful.

This  site might be a little helpful as well.
                                                                                

Sorry, i wish i was more helpful, but of coarse other mommies will be more of help to you.

Good Luck :)

Hi Curlygirl22,

I think you will find this site helpful!  I listen to his show on the radio when I can, and he is FABULOUS.

http://www.drray.com

(If it's easier to remember type in www.kidbrat.com and it takes you to the same page.)

My general rules for raising kids:
1.  Discipline is important and necessary at a very young age.  Children need to know what the limits are.  (Personally we found "time outs" to be the best discipline).

2.  No matter what a child does, let them know you love them.  It's ok to tell them you a particular action is not acceptable or that you do not approve of it - but they must know that you still love them.

3.  When  kid does not want to do something, give them choices, but make sure they know you are still in charge.  When it comes to picky eating, I always had a few options for my son to pick from.  If he didn't want to eat peas, I would give him the choice of peas or beans - letting him know he was going to eat a vegatable, but I would let him pick between 2.  

4.  Positive reinforcement will get you further than punishments, but don't bribe your kids.  Let your kids know when they do something right, even when it is a little thing.

5.  Kids (and adults too!) need to know what the expectations are.  Be sure to clearly state what you expect and stick with it.  If you set consequences for certain behaviors, but prepared to follow thru - if you don't they will know they don't have to do what you ask.

Those are a few ideas that come to mind.  I was not a perfect parent - I made mistakes, but I know by following these rules while my son was young, things were much easier as he got older.

Good luck - I'm sure you are a better parent than you think.  :D  

Wow, how to raise kids....BB has some good basics.
*Consistency in discipline is a must, even when you're tired and don't have the energy.  
*And lots of love, hugs, cuddles  :-*
*Remember who the parent is -- it sort of makes me feel like I'm being an ogre to stress this so much, but I think generally our culture goes to the other extreme and it is so damaging to the children.
*And lots of love, hugs, cuddles  :-*
*Pick your battles-- some things aren't worth making a big stink about, and you only have so much energy!Especially true as they get older.  :-/
*And lots of love, hugs, cuddles  :-*
*Turn off the TV, videos, video games, computers, and make them go outside to play -- running around and using their little brains to be imaginative/creative makes them hungry, helps their bodies grow, and gets the brain cells working.  
*And lots of love, hugs, cuddles  :-*
* Play with them- show them how to use "stuff" to make cool toys i.e. I used to use large appliance boxes to make forts/castles, etc to play in.  The kids loved them--better than the prefab junk 'cuz the boys were part of the building process. 8)
*And lots of love, hugs, cuddles  :-*
*Make sure you perfect "the look" now.  It will still work when they are bigger, faster, and stronger then you ;)
*And lots of love, hugs, cuddles  :-*

HTH!

I know these sound pretty obvious but here are some more :

Talk to your spouse about discipline. Good child discipline is no use when parents go by different rules, and the children either (a) gets confused or (b) plays one parent's rules off the other ("but Daddy said...") I find that this is especially true when the child(ren) stay home with one parent at a time (as is the case with a lot of families).

Give explanations and argue a good case, even if you don't have time to do it. No because, Yes because... (and somehow, "because it's bad" isn't good enough) Children find it much more rewarding to listen when a parent explains in detail about the potential consequences of a certain action. In that sense, you are helping them make an informed decision the way a journalist helps the public make an informed decision.

Help your children see the intrinsic rewards. (for example after cleaning my room as a kid, I used to enjoy lying down on the floor and enjoying all that empty space I'd just created) Point out the little things -
"Look at how neat your handwriting is now after all that practice!"
"See how healthy the plant is, now that we water it more often!"
This contributes to a sense of responsibility for their own happiness, and a sense of joy for the process of training and discipline that is found in pleasant or unpleasant tasks. Eventually (and hopefully) it progresses towards "doing things for the sake of doing them"  

Hope this helps your family too :-*
Anais

Here are some advice I plan to follow if I have kids some day. The other advice sounds great too *makes notes*

-A family with kids is not a democracy. It's not a dictatorship either.
-Teach your children to do chores from early age. One day, they will move out and will be in trouble if they don't know how to do household work, cook healthy food etc.
-Do not use sensible work as a punishment. Work is not a punishment, it's an opportunity. Meaningless work, however, is another matter...
-Do not laugh at children when they ask silly questions. It is better to ask and gain knowledge than to remain silent and stay ignorant.
-Be consistent in your demands. Negotiate with your DH about rules beforehand. That way, children can't play "but dad said..." argument against you.
-Don't furnish kid's rooms too comfortable (especially when they hit teenage). When kid must be near rest of the family in order to play computer games, read on a sofa or eat, you will have more interaction and will know better what's going on in his/her life.
-Live as you teach.
-Use your own brain and judgement. You are the person who knows your child best. What works for someone else's family might not work for you.
-Work with your DH to keep your relationship good and to provide your child a stable and loving home.
And last: Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.  :) The difference between people is, that some learn of their mistakes while others don't.

Precious Locks comment about getting the kids outside made me remember a study I read a few years back.  

During early development (infant thru toddler years), the brain has to make certain connections so that the WHOLE body and brain can work together.  Physical movement is extremely important at this age.  The study was reporting on the increased number of school age children with attention difficulties.  They found that most of these kids had limited physical play time as toddlers.

The study recommended that you get the kids out of the strollers, car seats, infant seats, and any other restrictive devise to let the child crawl, walk, run, skip, or whatever for at least 10 minutes every hour.  They also commented that they felt kids were being pushed around in stollers way too much and until the kids were really too old for it.  They felt that parents were taking the easy way out by putting the kid in the stroller.  

I walk at a mall on weekends and I see this in action (or should I say inaction??).  Granted the Mall of America is huge and small kids would not be able to walk all day, but I see kids lounging in their strollers with no intention of getting out other than to be put in a high chair in the food court (to eat fatty fried foods) or an amusement ride.  I swear some of these kids could not walk a block!  It is so frustrating to me to see a kid that is too big for the stroller laid back and demanding a soda or candy from their parents.  These kids should be walking, not riding!

As kids get older, physical activity is still important for building strong bones and healthy bodies.  A kid involved in some athletic activity on a regular basis starting about age 10 and thru high school, studies show, will have better grades, be healthier (miss fewer days of school due to illness), less likely to smoke, drink or try drugs, and will have better "time management" skills.

Thanks Ladies :-* I know i can always count on you wonderful informative ppl! Now getting to work on these fabulous websites that i have just been given. bye for now.

Even though I have no children, I do have a little niece -- and all of these pointers have been very helpful to me, as well.

If it was a more general forum, I would say "sticky this topic."

Wow. Those are all great.
I work with kids and what works with little kids still works for big kids, you just have to tweak it a little. Consistancy is a big thing!
Meg

wrote on Feb 12^th, 2006 at 10:35pm:

My general rules for raising kids: Good luck - I'm sure you are a better parent than you think.  :D

Robin, my son will be 21 in two months. I guess he's 'raised' and I still have no idea how I did it. He doesn't get drunk, he doesn't smoke, he's respectful, and he stayed in school.

He's no angel, but he isn't the devil, either, although he picked up EVERY one of my bad habits. (OH, you're so much like your father, it's sickening! I hear all the time).

I think I got lucky. I was never around a baby till I had one put in my lap. I never held one, talked to one or even been near one. When he was born, my wife spent his first three months in the hospital with cancer. I had no neices or nephews at the time.

I remember this well:
6:15AM, a baby boy was plunked on my lap in the delivery room after staying up all night. He was a surprise, 6 weeks early.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" worries Rodent. I still had to be at work by 7am that morning. I made it.

He's also made a decision to grow his hair out. I like the idea, but my wife doesn't.

Sir Rat,
Having been around babies does not necessarily make you an expert.  Some people just have the natural ability (or learn REALLY fast).  

Being thrust into parenthood under less than perfect circumstances such has yours, had to have been difficult.  It sounds like you've done a decent job of raising your son - no one is perfect - you or him.  But being a respectful adult says a lot for his parents.  :D

I would just like to comment that we must have some real wonderful parents in this room.  First of all, I commend you, Curly Girl, for having the courage to ask for advice.  That in itself shows how much you love your children, it is not easy to admit that you don't know everything and don't always have the perfect answers.  I've seen some parents get very defensive over taking advice from others, when in reality they should be open to other's wisdom and experience.

The advice given here is some of the most sound, grounded and heartfelt I have ever come across.  I myself am not a parent, but this is advice that I'll take to heart and hopefully get to put to practice someday.

Thankyou Maggie :-*,

All the advice given here has been wonderful. I appreciate it.