Everyone here is so wonderful, I thought I would post this little problem in hopes that you could advise me.  Longlocks was my first major Internet posting place, and it has been a very safe and enjoyable experience.  However, my problem is with someone I began chatting with online, who I met from another totally different online group.  

First this person began instant messaging me, and that was fine at first. But she would not really stick to the  topic of the original conversation, and so I just chatted about casual things going on in my life. Then she began emailing me and wanted to know why I wasn't online to chat, and then she sent me her phone number, and then she emailed and asked if she could call me.  Please help me, is this totally unacceptable internet behavior or what?  I don't know why she is pursuing me like this.  Unless "she" is really a "he" or some kind of predator?  I'm not a child but I AM sort of naive about these internet things.  I am a Catholic and our original discussion was supposed to be about Catholic things.  But she won't really talk about those things at all.  So why would she want to call me?

~~~Christiana




Puhleeeeeeeeeeze tell me what you would do if you were me--ignore her?  

Online relationships can be tricky.  It is not uncommon for people to "pose" as someone/something else in order to take advantage of others.

If you are not comfortable with this person - ignore them.  Block their email, and don't accept any futher messages from them.

I try to "protect" people here, and hopefully keep this a safe and comfortable place for all of us.  But it is only as safe as you keep it.  If you share too much information here, people can track you down.  Hopefully this won't happen to anyone here.

If this person becomes "bizarre", tell them:
"I'm not comfortable with talking to you on the phone" or "I'm not comfortable talking about that"

I think it's important to remind this person that she/he is a STRANGER. It's a little shocking to hear sometimes.

If the person is really getting obsessive, it is not your responsibility to help them in any way.... just get them the heck away from you! :P

Christiana, you're a wonderful gal and I hope things work out quietly and safely.  

Hugs
Anais

Hey Christiana :)

That happened to me once. It was a guy who said he was in a wheelchair, his mother is dead....ect. the usual pity stuff :P

Then he told me to send him my picture through mail, since his father doesn't believe in moder stuff such as phones, and computers ???, that he has to sneak out to his friends to use the computer( what happened to the wheel chair???).

Anyway, after that i told him that i didn't trust him, and was very uncomfortable with chating with him. See i started very polite, but HE started cusing, and threatening, then he sent me two disgusting e-mails, and i ignored him, and i never heard of him again, and NEVER went to another chat room.

I hope everything goes well with you, good luck! :)

Both of you have had unfortunate experiences with chat rooms.  I'm really sorry to hear that.  :-/  I've had both good and bad experiences.  I hope we can make the LongLocks chat a good experience for those that participate.  

The safeguards that I have taken are:
1.  The Yahoo group is a private group.
2.  All members of the group must be approved by ME!
3.  I have the ability to ban a person from the chat and/or the group.
4.  I am only approving members that have participated on the LongLocks message boards, or that I have prior knowledge/experience with and know they would be a positive, contributing person.
5.  I will not allow lurkers in the chat.  (People who only read and not participate in the conversation).

I am encouraging everyone to let me know if anyone in the chat misbehaves so I can deal with it.

If anyone has any questions or concerns, please let me know.

Something very similar happened to me as well.

I had "met" someone on a different board upon which I am a very active member. It began innocently enough...mostly with me replying to messages that he would post to promote the one-man performances which he wrote, produced and performed. Very talented guy.
   Anyway, one night while I was working, he IM-ed me (I have AIM and used to leave it up at work for a welcome distraction) and we began talking. He was a bright & very intuitive lad who had led a pretty isolated life, as is common for young performers. In any case, we soon found that we had similar interests and personalities, and a friendship was formed.
   This was not your typical "online relationship" by any means. Everything was out in the open and honest (at least for the most part). We confided in each other and were very much emotionally and spiritually connected. He would often send me pictures as well, so I knew what he looked like & there was no deception whatever there.
   It wasn't very long afterward that this "friendship" evolved into something more. Like I said, we were very connected and open, and the connection begat the openness and vice versa. Eventually we had planned to get together for the New Year's week.

But wouldn't you know it? Just a few months before my "friend's" scheduled visit, I met the man who is now my boyfriend, whom I was instantly smitten by. Upon learning this, my "friend" became quite jealous and resented the fact that some new guy was moving in on what seemed like his territory.  ::) Guys.

I left the playing field open. Having been semi-recently divorced, I was in no rush to "settle down" with anyone just yet. I was not even comfortable with the whole "dating" idea, to be honest. So I maintained a friendship with both guys. And eventually, I just became fed up with behavioural flaws of my far away "friend," and told him that I no longer desired any type of relationship with him. This was an emotional blow to both of us, considering how close we'd been over the years. But I'd really had more than enough.

Anyway, eventually, I ended up seeing & getting together with the other guy that I had met (in real life!). We have been together for just over a year now.  ;) But that year hasn't been easy...especially given that my "friend" refused to give up on me. He became very obsessed and would IM & e-mail me quite often, moping about having been "cast aside" even though he was the one who had screwed himself over in the game.

Anyway, he began showing up in the chatroom on the other message board where we had met. He still called me on the phone. I literally couldn't escape this guy...and my new boyfriend was not happy about that, as you can imagine.

The harrassment continued for over a year. I deleted his e-mails without reading them, and I tried to block him from my buddy list. But every time I blocked him, he would set up a new account & screen name & continue to IM me. Fortunately, he had stopped calling.

The last time he tried IM-ing me was actually just a few days ago. I didn't respond, but instead I invited my boyfriend (who was present at the time) to sit down and answer him instead.  ;)  And he did. Told the guy off & I haven't heard from him since. Hopefully I never will again.

So anyway, you first need to express to this person that their excessive attention is making you uncomfortable and that you would prefer to stay on the Catholic subject only.
   If that doesn't work, try making yourself purposefully unreachable. Don't show up in places (online) where you know she will be, and tell her (when she asks) that you've been busy.
   If she still insists upon her obsessive behaviours with you, then you should stop chatting there for awhile, delete her from your IM list, and possibly change your e-mail address. DO NOT GIVE HER YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

Anyway, I know this is a little long & I apologize for that, but I've had a very personal & semi-recent experience with this, so I felt compelled to add something. Hope everything works out ok, Christiana.

God bless.

THANK YOU Bikerbraid, Anais Satin, Beesan16 and Angel Spun!!!  I don't know anyone in RL who does this online community thing, so I am
[glb]SO TOTALLY GRATEFUL [/glb]

for your help and for sharing your stories!  Thanks be to God, this person has seemed to give up trying to email me, and i surely will not talk to her if she tries to message me.

Thank you again, you are a great bunch here. :) :) :)