Woohoo! This is my latest writeup, based on the whole "putting the elephant into the refrigerator" joke. (You know, the one where researchers polled children, and the children say "Open the door. Insert elephant. Close door" while all the adults are making all of these complicated plans..

The population of Indian elephants has dipped recently. Perhaps elephant polo causes too much stress. This could also have resulted from an email forward, one that explains how to put an elephant into a refrigerator. [Name of humor section of paper] assumes you have an elephant to begin with, and that you have a pretty damn good reason for putting your elephant into a refrigerator. Whatever your strategy, we will not be responsible for your animal control issues.

As most people would know, it is hard to get an elephant into any kitchen appliance. Some would call it frustratingly difficult. The humorless might call it a felony. The simplest way to accomplish this task would be to open the refrigerator, put the elephant inside, and close the door. However this does not account for other variables, such as elephant size. Please consider the following.

(1) Obviously, the easiest way to put the elephant inside is to change its size and shape. Obviously! Such a simple thing to say, yet so difficult a task. Ah, the discontinuity of it. Dismantling the elephant will not help either. Elephants do not easily dismantle into small compact components. If you are particularly conscientious, it might also disrupt your sleep cycle to take half the elephant and toss what you don't need.

(2) It might also help to remove all food, drink, shelves, drawers, and lightbulb from your refrigerator. This will free up at least half of the refrigerator, if you are a typical user. If you are a college student, you may be able to skip this step completely. Unplug the appliance if it gives you more of a deadline. Enlist a dorm hall Refriger-Raider to help take care of your sudden surplus of unrefrigerated food.

(3) Enlist Zen. Be the refrigerator. Be the void in the refrigerator. Be every molecule of an elephant violently crammed inside. Envision the blissful harmony of all three components in an utterly perverse arrangement. In a higher level of reality, the elephant will fit neatly into the refrigerator with no gaps or kinks. Your chi will flow smoothly throughout the appliance like a natural gas leak in your house. Applaud yourself and go get an avocado sandwich.

(4) Attend a party hosted at [dorm] Hall. Don't know how this could help with your elephant problem? Why, because [dorm] Hall has no available student elevators of course! On your way up, you will not take an elevator. You might take three and a half on your way down, along with a handful of loose stairs. You may even pick up some very small elephants along the way. Sometimes they can be mistaken for very big shoes. Don't trip. Bring them home safely. These small elephants have a higher probability of fitting into your refrigerator. Release the big one somewhere and try the smaller ones. If they're not small enough, try again next weekend. You might try a different vintage.

ROTFL!  ;D

;D ;D

Quote:

In a higher level of reality, the elephant will fit neatly into the refrigerator with no gaps or kinks. Your chi will flow smoothly throughout the appliance like a natural gas leak in your house.

That made me laugh. Very cute indeed.

Of course, if it were me, I'd just buy a bigger refrigerator. ;)