**sigh**

So, I have a fairly butch, tough woman kind of image...I played the trombone in marching band, had big, bulging muscles, refuse to wear skirts, don't wear a drop of makeup...etc.

The ONE girly thing I love is long hair.

Now my hair is really short, styled, layered and butch looking, and everyone on the PLANET that I know is telling me to keep it. "It's you!" "It's the best you've ever looked!" "You look hot!" "You didn't look good with long hair last time." "Your hair is too thin to wear long." "It suits you so perfectly, why would you want to change it?"

ARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!

The entire reason I chopped my hair off was to GET IT HEALTHY. And now the whole universe is telling me that I look hot like this and I should keep my hair like this.

Awfully hard to resist people telling you that you look hot right now...especially when you're looking ahead to several YEARS of painstaking growth.

I just had to complain...I have always adored long hair, and I've always had to deal with people telling me I shouldn't have it, can't have it, don't, didn't or won't look good with it. It's very, very annoying.

**sigh** A few years of this until my hair gets past shoulder-length and people realize I'm dead serious? Fun.

Ella

I'm 48 years old with very fine, thin, hair.  A year ago
I got it chopped from BSL to and earlobe-length bob
in back with layers in front and heavy blond highlights
(I'm a brunette).  The good thing was the cut got rid
of the old perm I had in it.  (I wish I hadn't got the
highlights.) ANYWAY- everyone kept telling me  OH,
you look SOOOO much younger with your short hair-
It's YOU.ect, ect (Must have looked like an old hag with
the long hair).  You should KEEP it that way-they'd say.
This was my close friends and family, people who felt
comfortable saying this of course.   My husband said-
Oh it brings out your eyes so much more.  I Hated it
myself but its hard to listen to that and not be swayed.
SOOO I kept it that way for about 6 months into December but I got sick of A.) going to the salon
every 6- 8 weeks for a trimand root touchup at a cost
of a lot of money.  I should have gone in more.  But I was  broke.  So I grew it to an all around bob- keeping
the blonde, which was a mistake.  (hair damage).
Anyway, this Christmas I decided for myself that I want
to grow it long, go natural ( no colour or perms) and
maybe, just maybe find my terminal length.  So I'mgoing
to do it, darn it.  I figure , if I don't like it when it gets
long, Hey , I can always cut it.  I've also been inspired
by a childhood girlfriend of mine who lives out of state
who is my age, has fine thin hair, and whose hair is
now almost to her waist.  Her hair is even thinner than
mine, if that were possible.   She always had short hair
when we lived close.  She is going to send me a picture.
So Ella, I kind of know what you're going through.   I'm
going to try to stay the course and not cut it.  

I forgot to mention that people tell me my hair doesn't
look good long either,(unless its in a perm or curled)
but I'm going to ignore that, too.

GOOD FOR YOU! You go gurl ;)

Sounds good.

I know a woman with hair pretty much the EXACT thickness and texture of mine -- unbelievably fine, unbelievably thin -- with hair down to her knees.

She really needs to even up the ends, but other than that, it is GORGEOUS.

She is also extremely skinny, though, so it works.

**note to self** Lose lots of weight and hope that long, fine, thin, straight hair looks good!

I'm going to ignore them, too. It's just hard when people say I look hot right now. I don't hear that very often. But I want long hair, dammit.  **stomps foot**

Ella   ;)

the thing is.....if you look hot with short hair, you are going to look D.A.M.N hot with long hair  ;D

Well, I just looked scraggly the last time I had long hair.   ::)

HOWEVER, I didn't take care of it properly so it was all splitting...AND, fine-thin hair + overweight = even fatter looking face and thinner looking hair than you actually have!  **cringe**

So I figure, lose a bunch of weight, get down to my ideal weight, and treat my hair with love, and it should look much better!

...at least, that's the plan.

Ella

Well, Ella, I hope you're a frequent visitor! I dealt with a pixie for 10-15 years (depending on the definition of pixie, I had a half-pixie for awhile too) But never longer than my chin. Now it's down to mid-back and in better condition than ever. I think you have a great advantage, joining LL with short healthy hair. I also think you'll be starting a trend... hair role models! ;D

Best of luck
Anais Satin

So much of "how you look" comes from how you feel about yourself.  If you feel good with your long hair, you will look good.  

If your long hair was not in good condition previously, it probably detracted from your looks.  Taking good care of your hair this time will eliminate that.

Don't let people tell you how to wear your hair.  It is your hair, you can do what you want with it.  (Just look at what some people do with their hair these days - all kinds of un-natural colors, spiked, processed, razor cut.  How can anybody tell you your natural hair looks worse than that!!)

Be strong, be an individual, do what makes you happy.

The stylist who layered my hair also razor cut some of it, I think. He was doing something that was NOT with scissors...is that going to hurt my hair?

Eurgh, I'm in such a mess with this stupid cut.

Ella

Razor cuts as I know them, use a razor to cut the hair at an angle instead of straight across.  On short hair, this can give some extra thickness, but on long hair, it can cause splits.

Well, I really can't relate to you here - none of my current friends knew me when I had short hair and have nothing to compare my current look with, my family generally avoids commenting on my hair at all, I've always thought that I look much better with longer hair than short, and no one's ever called me hot.  ::)


If I have any advice, it'd be to remember that you have no obligation to society to appear "hot," but you do have an obligation to yourself to be yourself. ;) And that'll get you a lot more respect in the end.

wrote on Aug 10^th, 2004 at 12:28pm:

...I have always adored long hair, and I've always had to deal with people telling me I shouldn't have it, can't have it, don't, didn't or won't look good with it.

Now that sounds familiar ;D Don't know how often I heard that,but I'm a very stubborn person and chose to ignore whoever had anything to say about my hair I did not want to hear ;)
I never discuss my hair with anyone who seems to be anti-long-hair,and this has worked very well for me.There are of course a few who *will*try to do just that (namely family) but I'm very good at just ignoring nasty remarks. ;D

Hey Anne-Marie, can I borrow some of your stubbornness? I could sure use some! ;)

The most frustrating part is how long it's going to take before I see results. I'm not big on patience, but I'm looking at this as a chance to EXERCISE that patience that I always wish I had more of.  ;)  Growing hair out from three inches is DEFINITELY an exercise in patience! So, yay for getting long hair and inner self-improvement all at the same time.  :)

I think I could deal with "you should cut your hair" remarks better than "you should keep it like this because you look much better" remarks. I don't LIKE my hair like this.

Is there anyone here who has grown layers out who knows about how long it takes?

Ella

For the record, I really admire those who can sing. Do you sing jazz at all?

Anyhoo, growing layers is really not that bad. It takes a lot of patience though, of which you sound like you've got surplus ;D My bangs were 3-4 inches when I started growing, and now they're around mid-neckish (they sometimes grow slower than the rest of head hair) The rest of my hair was somewhere between neck and forehead. It was a semi-pixie.  

The biggest things about layers by my experience are (1) not being able to tie all of your hair back at the same time, and (2) not being able to do a decent braid until your hair is sufficiently long. I still can't do a proper English braid and my hair is around mid-back.

I tried coping with my bangs and layers using metal clippies (baaad for hair... I discovered LL after my metal-clip and thin-hairtie abuse) So you'll have to find hair-friendly clippies and stock up on them when the time is right. I kept them literally everywhere, two in each purse/tote, one attached to each zipper and zipper pull, several in my makeup bag, and the rest in my ashtrays (I'm just a collector, just a collector).

Anais

p.s. Do fabric-covered/velvet-covered snappy clips exist? Anybody know?

People can be so hurtful sometimes. Thank goodness you guys are here to keep us grower-outers inspired!!

I flew home to see my Mom in April, I hadn't seen her in almost 1.5 years. The first thing she said when she saw me at the airport was "Ohhh, you're growing out your hair" in a disappointed, condemning voice. ARGHHH!

/Kate

I know what you mean.   My mother comments on my
hair a lot, too.  Last time I saw her she said"oh, I really
like that cute short cut you had LAST summer.

How annoying!!!!

That's sort of how my dad is, he just goes, "I don't understand it, you JUST got this cut, it looks so cute, and now all you want is to grow it out? No way, keep it like that."

My mom hasn't seen me yet but her only comment when I told her was, "Well good, I think your hair looks much softer and shinier without the perm." As for growing it out, she didn't really say much. So, whatever.

I am really happy right now because I've been conditioning my hair daily...which I never used to do because in adolescence I had THE greasiest hair on the planet...and it's become incredibly soft but NOT oily! The combination of eating better (I used to eat such gross amounts of junk food) and not being 14 anymore is working wonders on what's left of my hair!   ;)

Thanks for all the encouragement from everyone! I agree, us grower-outers need all the cheering on we can get!

Ella

PS: Anais, I don't sing any jazz, I mostly sing classical and a little bit of musical theater. My voice isn't at all suited to jazz, I'm sorry to say.

Yes
wrote on Aug 11^th, 2004 at 3:07pm:

For the record, I really admire those who can sing. Do you sing jazz at all?

I sing jazz! I sing classical, too. I love singing ;D

Goodness, I admire those who can sing because I am horrible at singing myself!! So Ella, what do YOU sing? :D I'm still interested

Anais

I sing lots of opera and classical. I also sing as much Broadway as my voice can handle...my voice is totally unsuited to belting, but I sing the more lyrical, classical style Broadway stuff whenever I get a chance!

Ella

I'm with you, Anais - I'm dreadfully envious of all of you singers out there! Then again, having a voice that can peel paint has never stopped me from singing. ;D I love the old '50s musicals best!

It would be amazing to be able to sing opera, way to go ellasongbird!

/Kate

I love to sing everything...Its my favorite thing to do. i would be at american idol if not for my son. i dont want to leave him or my hubby. i cant stand to be away from them. In high school i was in all the school musicals i cant get enough theatre, its the best.

Hey Folks,


Quote:

PS: Anais, I don't sing any jazz, I mostly sing classical and a little bit of musical theater. My voice isn't at all suited to jazz, I'm sorry to say.

Eeek, I didn't read the whole post! ::) Sorry to miss that, Ella. I still admire you just the same. ;)

Back to the hair discussion, I used to get plenty of hair "advice", from very few people. Still, for awhile it was as if all the shorthairs beamed telekinetically, Thou canst have longer hair than us... We art afraid thou willst have much more social influence someday.

(Until I introduced my mom to gentler hair care; one critic subdued with few to go) She and my grandmother used to tell me, "Your hair's too long, we'll have to cut it". Growing out was like a late maturity for me. Since I'd had a pixie or similar since age 5, to my mom and gran it was a desperate and all-too-late "Don't grow up yet! You're still my little girl" :) :) :) Eventually the hair got long enough that they stopped wondering when I'd cut it.

Anais

I'm very small (5' 1" if I am kind, really it's more like 5' 0", and 98 lbs)  and I have very thick, curly hair.  A lot of people I know tell me I shouldn't grow my hair any longer because it will overwhelm me.  I don't really care what they think.  Yeah, it might be more flattering if it were shorter, and yeah, I am a fencer and an archer and people gape when they find out I've been taking dance for years, but so what.  I like long hair.  I like the elegance of it, the history of it, the knowledge that anyone with hair that long and beautiful must have cared for it with patience and kindness.  I don't care if it is fasionable or not, it is me and I love it.

I couldn't help but think of Irish dancers when you mentioned dance - there is an example of people dancing with a lot of hair!!  Don't let anyone tell you that long is is not right for you.  Only you know what is right for you.  I love your hair and you seem to have a good handle on how to deal with the uniqueness of its thickness and curliness.

I love your curly hair,too! :)

Regarding mothers, some use their daughter's hair as a last desperate attempt to have some control over their daughters.  It's probably unconscious but I know how deep those comments can cut and it frustrates me when I let them get to me.

My experience is the opposite of everyone else's and in childdish defiance I had my hair cut from BSL with layers and bangs to a short bob late in December last year.  It was the comment that "you MUST keep your hair long" that did it for me.  I don't like being told what to do.  

I'm trying to learn not to discuss hair or anything else I feel insecure about with anyone who may either hurt my feelings or push me into defiance mode where I do things I don't really want to or arent' really good for me.

not a bad idea, drear. my family has often commented that i look so much better with shorter hair, that it makes my face "perky" or something. so mostly now i save all my hair questions/comments for longlocks boards where everyone has pretty much established long hair as the goal.

roomtogrow wrote on Jun 4^th, 2008 at 7:30pm:

not a bad idea, drear. my family has often commented that i look so much better with shorter hair, that it makes my face "perky" or something. so mostly now i save all my hair questions/comments for longlocks boards where everyone has pretty much established long hair as the goal.

That's why I'm so glad I've found longlocks where I know people will generally be supportive of my hair goals.

I don't know if I'm immature or just lack character strength.  But admitting to that weakness has helped me to make better decisions that serve my interests and no one else's = other men's insecure wives who are thrilled that at least I can't look young, be slim AND have long hair which was what got on their nerves last summer :(  I actually empatise and feel their pain and just feel sorry when their insecurities lead them to act in a rude and hurtful way towards me when their husbands are callous and inconsiderate and openly oggle me for longer periods or come up and tell me to my face how attractive I've become, blah, blah, blah...

I wouldn't want my husband to act in that way either.  I guess that my mom wasn't the only reason I cut my hair.  I cried and thought about this after I came home from London and have admitted to myself that part of me also had that chop to conform and be more acceptable to other women.  

Some women keep their hair long for men or a man in their life.  I guess just as many women cut their hair to be more acceptable to other women.

I need longer hair and thicker skin ;)

My husband has wanted to see me with long hair for some time now, but due to my straightening, I never really wanted it long, and it was always fried. When I told hime my goal was to get my hair mid-back he laughed. He said I love you, but you'll never do it! My jaw dropped! He also told me he liked my hair straight! But he said he would probably like it curly when it's longer. Now keep in mind that when my hair was to the middle of my neck, I wasn't exactly using very good products, and my curls didn't look all that great. I can't wait to prove him wrong! Thanks to LL and it's members I am learning how to care for my hair the healthy way!

From my own experience, most people cannot visualize someone with a drastically different hair style.  Have fun showing hubby your "new look".

Thanks BB, and I will once again be able to prove my hubby wrong! I just wish he would at least say he supports me, and thinks I can do it. I support him in every venture he has ever taken on, even if I didn't think he could really do it.

1. What's your favourite way of wearing your hair?
french braided

2. Your favourite hair toy (just one, if you can). Why it's your favourite?
i dont have a fav.

3. Do you have a hairstyle that you would love to wear but can't for some reason (too difficult to make, can't be made with your type of hair etc.)
id ont wear my hair down much because it tangles 2 easily

4. Who's your long hair idol? (= a person whose long hair you admire and who inspires you)
i like BB's hair. it looks long & healthy

5. Do you try to copy your idol's hairdos?
my hairs not long enough 2 do BB's hairstyle

6. Do you have any great hair care tip?
well i usually wash my hair before i go to bed because otherwise i have the tendency 2 brush it wet which is really unheathy and when you wake up your hair is dry and u can brush. also ont wash your hair 2 often. in a way you can train your hair . . . if you wash it once a week thats all it will need. if you wash it every other day it will tend 2 get greasy in tht short time period.

7. What in your opinion is definitely passée?
i dont like layers

8. What's the best hair length? (in general, not necessarily on you)
every person has their own style

9. What's trendy next summer? Let your imagination run wild!
incredibly long hair

Okay..more mother stories....my mother postively rejoices in telling me "women over 35 shouldn't have long hair"..I'm 38, go figure.....and she also relishes telling me how her cousin couldn't persuade her 10 year to get her hair cut (apparently split-ended and rat-tails, I never saw it), until my mother asked the kid why she wanted to have the longest hair in the school, if it wasn't the nicest....the intonation she puts into telling this story makes me want to slap her, like, if a 10 year old does what I say, why don't you?

Why do women do that kind of thing to each other? First it's..."long hair? oh yes, clinging to your youth"...suggest cutting it, and it's "it'll take YEARS of you!" ...so who's clinging to their youth then? Double-standards make me want to puke, and the women who bandy them around are just trying to make you feel bad so they can feel better. Ignore the bitches (it's what they are, I'm not apologising) and do what you want!!!

Rant over.
"steps off soap box*


:)

People seem to assume that plain, long hair is for the lazy and careless who can't bother to care for their hair.  When people find out how seriously I take the condition of my hair because I want it to be long and healthy they can't understand why I don't get a "real" hairstyle and get something for my time and money.  Then they use that hypocritical and senseless argument about how a "real" style will cut down on my daily routine "or at least make it worth it". ::)

"So you gave up on that layered style?"  No, I just didn't like them in the end.  "Well, longer hair really suits you but I can understand why as a homemaker you prefer your hair shorter and simpler".  No, I had long hair when I was a full time student and worked part time.  I just wanted to get my hair into the shape I want to grow it in which is one blunt length.  It irritates me when I've not even indicated that my hair is up for discussion.  

Now people think and probably hope that I'm going to adopt a simpler style all over.  But I actually think I'm striking a very attractive balance with all the busy colors, accessories and retro 50s styles I wear, with a simple sheet of black hair.....and usually flat black footwear. :)  I like things to coordinate. ;)  

Individual styles are encouraged like never before as long as your style is thoroughly predictable to "type".  People who know me have described me as odd and off so there!

Well, I hope that everyone wears their hair the way they like and don't feel pressured into making their hair conform to other people's expectations of what someone who dresses a certain way should wear their hair.

I decided to grow my hair out from a short, curly perm, a little over 3 yrs. ago.  It is very fine, layered, colored and wavy/curly and almost BSL now.  For the first time in my life I love my hair.  My mom and all the men in my life support me in this, and who else is important?  I would say just what I said to the people who were critical when I cut it short and permed it,  "If I had wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it."

BTW, I am 58 and will never cut my hair short again.

Drear wrote on Jul 13^th, 2009 at 2:26pm:

Individual styles are encouraged like never before as long as your style is thoroughly predictable to "type".  People who know me have described me as odd and off so there!

I've always considered myself unconventional. I never wore designer brand clothes, went to parties, or got wasted. My career choice isn't typical, my exercise routine isn't either, I've never been "typical" I still don't have an ipod for pete's sake.  ::) ;D I figured why should my hair be any different.  :D I got it layered once in high school because I wanted it to look more like everyone else.  ::) Thing was somebody still said my hair awful.  :P ::) Since I've grown it out and got rid of the layers, which drove me up the wall!  >:( I've actually gotten compliments on my hair, and now it's not "typical'. Go figure.  ::) ;D

"Well, longer hair really suits you but I can understand why as a homemaker you prefer your hair shorter and simpler".

I don't know why people persist in thinking that short hair is simpler.  I once had my hair 2" long all over my head, and that was the most high-maintenance style I've ever had.  It took 3 different products to make it do right.  Any stylist will tell you that the shorter your hair is, the longer you'll spend styling it.  Plus, it only usually does one or two things.

That's the thing I love about long hair...the style is exactly as high maintenance as you want it to be.    :D