My mother got her hair permed and cut 2 inches long. She suggested I do the same with my "ratty" hair. My hair is not ratty in any way. It's wavy and shiny. She makes these hateful comments all the time. It's not what she says it's how she says it. Her other favorite is " women your age shouldn't try to wear their hair long" and "you really would look nice if you would cut your hair it would flatter your chubby face more."  On the other hand I receive complements on my hair from my neices and they tell me not to cut it that it is a part of me....Aunt Angie with the long hair. My grand daughter winds her little hand up in it when she naps, it gives her comfort while she is away from her mommy. My mom is just jealous....and spiteful. I just wish she would stop saying things that are so negative.

It is always hard to hear such statements from someone you would expect unconditional love.  Have you tried telling her how much it hurts when she says those things?  In any case, you know you can choose how to wear your hair.  It obviously gives you satisfaction and you see others appreciating it as well.

oh, I dont think I can give you much advice in this area, except that you should keep your hair the way you want it.  you hair is yours, and you didnt grow it to please anyone.
                                i hope your situation will better,

                                                   Dayne Brenna

why people think that as you grow older your hair must get shorter is beyond me! im only 19 but i plan to keep my long hair [glb]FOREVER[/glb]. even though my aunt said that women over a certain age look terrible with long hair and should cut it short when the grey hairs start coming through....ive no idea what planet she comes from...!  ::)  :(

Clearly, your mother and your aunt exist in some alternate reality where grown women are allowed to have any hairstyle they want, as long as it is short, colored, and permed.  :P

You are 19 and your mother thinks you are too old to have long hair? That's amazing. It's the ideal age to start taking care of your hair and developing your personal style.

By the time you're my age, you'll have hair that's well past the floor if you keep this up.

"You are 19 and your mother thinks you are too old to have long hair? That's amazing. It's the ideal age to start taking care of your hair and developing your personal style.  "

no, no...my mother loves my long hair (Anjy's mum doesnt think the long hair is a good idea)
my aunt likes my hair....she just doesnt think my dream to be a long haired old lady is very nice!

"By the time you're my age, you'll have hair that's well past the floor if you keep this up. "

i hope so!!! well...maybe i'll keep it trimmed to ankle length so i dont trip over it and young children and small animals dont get caught in it!!  <<<imagine combing that out of your hair at the end of the day!!  :D  :D

Something else I remember... when my Aunt Dee had her hair long in her 30's my mother used to tell me she looked rediculous because she was always playing with her curls. I thought she looked nice.  :-/

My mother used to say stuff like this to me sometimes. It really hurts. Of course, it was the opposite because in my family's religion women aren't supposed to cut their hair, and I wanted to when I was a teenager, but it hurts the same anyway. Just realize that your mother probably as some issues to work out about it and it isn't brought on by anything you did. It also doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

My Granny (currently age 94) has had long hair, past her tailbone, for as long as I can remember. In fact, she hasn't had it cut since WWII - she had to be frugal so her cute, '30s bob got grown out! Even though she always wears it up, I always loved it best when she unpinned her hair and brushed it, or sat in the sun to dry it.

So anyone who says you're too old (or too anything) for long hair is just jealous and unnecessarily spiteful. Just think of my cool Granny!  :)

/Kate

Kate your granny sounds wonderful.... that's what I want... to have my grandchildren remember me for my unique qualities

wrote on Apr 18^th, 2004 at 9:30pm:

i hope so!!! well...maybe i'll keep it trimmed to ankle length so i dont trip over it and young children and small animals dont get caught in it!!  <<<imagine combing that out of your hair at the end of the day!!  :D  :D

Imagine combing your hair at the end of the day and saying, "So that's where little Johnnie went!"  Or "...the dog..." or "...my purse..." or "...my keys..."

Hee hee.

Anjy, stay the course.  Naysaysers just don't get it, and I don't think they want to.  They don't have the drive or determination to do it, so they don't have long hair, which they could have, if they decided to do it.  It's that simple.

So it's up to us to try to convince them... :D

Jennifer Eve

Some of the most beautiful hair I've ever seen was on a 50-something lady - BEAUTIFUL silvery gray, always done in a braid.  Then there's my mother, who keeps hers Bra-length.  She's 54, and it makes her look younger and perkier, but by no means immature or silly.  She works as an ER doctor, so it makes it easy for her to keep it out of her way at work, and she can co-ordinate her scrub tops to her scrunchies  :)

For my part, I think it's a good deal prettier to keep a well-kempt length than these curly head-helmet cuts that ladies seem compelled to get when they hit a certain age.  You know, the ones shorn about the neck and permed to poof on the top.  It just seems to emphasize the inevitable sagging of the jowl and does nothing to soften lines.

My great-grandmother lived to 108.  She had GORGEOUS long hair, right up to the end.  Milky white, and she'd do it up in one of those gibson girl buns.  I hope mine looks half so pretty when I get there ;)  I guess I'm just lucky in my relatives... they like cooing over my mane at family gatherings more than bugging me to 'upgrade' it.  Wish I could say the same for some other folks...

Well, I for one would like to have an elegant, gray bun when I grow old!  :D My mother knows about it, and commented it (not exactly rudely, but not very approvingly either). I was quite firm with her- but different approaches work with different people.

In any case, it's your hair, and it doesn't have to please anyone but you :D . If you like it long, then that's all the reason you need for wearing it long  :D .

Definite agreement here about long gray or white hair in buns or braided, or whatever! My great-grandmothers were the only relatives I remember with long hair.  

I absolutely love hair that is white or gray.  From looking at my aunts I will probably just get  enough gray to make my hair look dull, but oh well.  

I've just come back from a dinner gathering with the folks from my parents mobil home park.  My hubby and I were the youngest there, everyone else was at least retirement age (60+).  I leaned over to hubby and said "When I'm their age I want to have a long, white braid.  None of this short, permed stuff."  Hubby just smiles.
I'm really hoping my hair is white someday.

It is never easy to accept unkind words from those we love, let alone not feel pressured to respond in a way that would please them.  Your choice to wear your hair long is for your sake and no one else's.  I hope you find your courage.

Jai!  (Sansrit for Victory)

Heck, I'm 43 and I just started growing out my hair because I don't want to look like every other woman in my tri-state area who is aged 50+.  I *want* to look different.  I don't want to fall right in line with everybody else!!  I wish people could learn to keep their negative opinions to themselves, or at least learn how to phrase things better.

My dream is to have long, beautiful silver-white hair at least down to my waist, and I shall wear it in a single braid; when people tell me I'm too old to have hair that long I will smile at them forgivingly and smack them over the head with it.  ;D

wrote on Mar 30^th, 2005 at 8:47pm:

I will smile at them forgivingly and smack them over the head with it.  ;D

Great visual  ;D

wrote on Mar 31^st, 2005 at 10:57pm:

Great visual  ;D

I agree. :)

wrote on Mar 30^th, 2005 at 8:47pm:

My dream is to have long, beautiful silver-white hair at least down to my waist, and I shall wear it in a single braid; when people tell me I'm too old to have hair that long I will smile at them forgivingly and smack them over the head with it.  ;D

I know a lady with a BSL silver braid, she does it half up, half down then dutch braids the lot ftom there, sometimes she adds a ribon near the top.  If anyone told her she was too old for long hair, well, shes younger than she looks and her husbands a giant and one of the best fighters (hes in the SCA) I know. *giggles*  I have to tell her about hitting people with that braid when it gets a bit longer.

I would love to have all white hair!! My hair probably will not do that though,- my dad is 83 and still has salt and pepper, and my mom's(79) is not all grey either!! I used to go to church with a lady who was at least 75-80 and she had her snow white hair put up in a braid wrapped around her head.  I though that looked so cool! And such a refreshing change from the normal short permed 'do of other ladies her age.  My mom wears a jaw length bob, which looks good on her.

wrote on Mar 14^th, 2005 at 2:20pm:

Heck, I'm 43 and I just started growing out my hair because I don't want to look like every other woman in my tri-state area who is aged 50+.  I *want* to look different.  I don't want to fall right in line with everybody else!!  I wish people could learn to keep their negative opinions to themselves, or at least learn how to phrase things better.

 Most everyone around here over 35-40 chops off their hair, too.  That's one of the reasons I'm growing mine long-even though I do look good with short hair- I want to be different(I'm in my late 40's)

wrote on Apr 2^nd, 2005 at 1:32pm:

I would love to have all white hair!! My hair probably will not do that though,- my dad is 83 and still has salt and pepper, and my mom's(79) is not all grey either!! I used to go to church with a lady who was at least 75-80 and she had her snow white hair put up in a braid wrapped around her head.  I though that looked so cool! And such a refreshing change from the normal short permed 'do of other ladies her age.  My mom wears a jaw length bob, which looks good on her.

I know what you mean.  I think white or grey hair looks wonderful, but mine will just get enough grey to make the rest of my hair look dull.   :'(

The irony of life -- so many on this board can't wait to get gray or white hair, and so many people color over their gray or white hair! lol  :D

wrote on Apr 3^rd, 2005 at 10:49pm:

The irony of life -- so many on this board can't wait to get gray or white hair, and so many people color over their gray or white hair! lol  :D

The reality is...... The picture you have of what you will look like with that gorgeous all white/silver/gray hair is not how you look when it starts to come in.  Some hair never gets to that pretty, all one color stage.  My mother had beautiful auburn hair, then the gray came in.  She has colored her hair for umteen years.  Every now and then, she tries to let her natural color grow in.  I've seen what it looks like - it ain't pretty.  At 83 she is 80% gray, but it is an ugly color that makes her look 103.  I don't blame her for coloring it back to her vibrant auburn.  (Plus it makes her look 63!).

So the moral of the story is.... going natural and embrasing the gray/silver/white is a great objective, but many, many of you will decide to color when time comes.

[quote author=bikerbraid link=board=hairandsociety;num=1082271550;start=15#25 date=04/04/05 at 07:25:17]

The reality is...... The picture you have of what you will look like with that gorgeous all white/silver/gray hair is not how you look when it starts to come in.  Some hair never gets to that pretty, all one color stage.  My mother had beautiful auburn hair, then the gray came in.  She has colored her hair for umteen years.  Every now and then, she tries to let her natural color grow in.  I've seen what it looks like - it ain't pretty.  At 83 she is 80% gray, but it is an ugly color that makes her look 103.  I don't blame her for coloring it back to her vibrant auburn.  (Plus it makes her look 63!).

Yup-I know exactly what you mean,BB.  I have a few greys coming in just in the bang area, nowhere else.  I think grey hair would just make me look older right now.  That's why I started highlighting (and quit perming) 5 years ago.  I would like to get more natural colouring- I've looked at herbatint and naturtint-and at henna- I'm kinda afraid to henna- On the one hand I think grey hair can be beautiful-but I have a pale, pale complexion that needs colour.  Even my natural med brown is not as vibrant as it was years ago.  I just think that the haircolour livens me up.  But I know its a trade off- it does some damage to the hair- and there's the rumors that it isn't healthy.

wrote on Apr 4^th, 2005 at 1:13pm:

The reality is...... The picture you have of what you will look like with that gorgeous all white/silver/gray hair is not how you look when it starts to come in.  Some hair never gets to that pretty, all one color stage.  My mother had beautiful auburn hair, then the gray came in.  She has colored her hair for umteen years.  Every now and then, she tries to let her natural color grow in.  I've seen what it looks like - it ain't pretty.  At 83 she is 80% gray, but it is an ugly color that makes her look 103.  I don't blame her for coloring it back to her vibrant auburn.  (Plus it makes her look 63!).

Yup-I know exactly what you mean,BB.  I have a few greys coming in just in the bang area, nowhere else.  I think grey hair would just make me look older right now.  That's why I started highlighting (and quit perming) 5 years ago.  I would like to get more natural colouring- I've looked at herbatint and naturtint-and at henna- I'm kinda afraid to henna- On the one hand I think grey hair can be beautiful-but I have a pale, pale complexion that needs colour.  Even my natural med brown is not as vibrant as it was years ago.  I just think that the haircolour livens me up.  But I know its a trade off- it does some damage to the hair- and there's the rumors that it isn't healthy.

I just messed that up the top half was written by Bikerbraid-I'm a computer klutz.

Babyfine - I "fixed" the quote on your message so that it would not be quite so confusing.   ;)

quote author=bikerbraid The reality is...... The picture you have of what you will look like with that gorgeous all white/silver/gray hair is not how you look when it starts to come in.  Some hair never gets to that pretty, all one color stage.


So far my hairline is going grey and it does look faded, even though my herbal rinse blends in the greys a bit.  I cling to the facts that:  1.  any "in between" stage is awkward, whether growing or greying  2.  My maternal grandmother (and I take after my mom's side of the family hair-wise) had lovely, pure white hair.  So, I live in hope.  And I hope no-one thinks I"m putting down anyone for dying their hair; the only reason I don't is I"m too lazy to keep up with the roots.  If it weren't for that, I'd have been a redhead for years!   ;)

13bodies;  I think many who are coloring their hair wishes they could stop or never would have started.  You have a wonderful goal and a good reason to let the natural transition of your hair occur.  In my mother's case - I think she made the right decision to color.  Since my hair is much lighter than hers, I have let the silver/grey intermingle with my light brown/dark blonde.  It is certainly more noticable now than it was a few years ago, but I think I will be able to live with it and appreciate it.  

Coloring or not is a personal decision, just as growing or not.  Thankfully, everyone here is allowed their own ideas and opinions.  ;D

i think it all depends ... grey is pretty dull while white is sparkle. i've seen a lady with very dark hair and it had a nice sparkle (in her cas i think it was a silvery grey but in contrast with her almost black hair it was neat. it also didn't come in streaks but it seemed nearly like she had put powdered pearl ino her hair.

I like grey hair in all of its forms- whether the hair is one-color or just streaked. I think that even a little gray can give dignity to a person if she is otherwise well groomed. I know that today's society in general appreciates sexy look more than dignified look, but I don't agree with society here.  ;D
 My mother was planning a while ago going gray, and she even made appointment for changing color, but ended up just touching her roots with usual brown after beginning to feel uncomfortable at last moment. I'm happy that she dared to change her mind as she seems to like her brown hair better again after almost changing it. She started to color when she started graying and now she says that she's completely gray beneath the color. I'm so used to see her in colored hair that I've difficult time picturing her as gray. Her skin is naturally smooth for a person of her age, and I think that colored hair makes her look younger. I'm not entirely sure, is that better than looking old, though ;) .

But I think that coloring/graying naturally is a very personal issue, and everyone should be able to decide that without pressure to any direction.

that must be a hard situation to deal with. my mother is the complete opposite. she supports whatever i want to do with hair. if i were in that situation i would make it clear that im not changing my hair for anyone and that it hurts my feelings when you say things like that to me. whats that saying... if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all. i agree she may just be jealous. try not to take it personally. maybe give her a history of women in history before the 1920's who had long hair and maybe she will back off a little.

we all support you here whatever you chose as long as it makes you happy  :)